Understanding USAF Crew Chiefs [joke]
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Understanding Crew Chiefs - Take One
A Chaplin, Medic, and a Crew Chief were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The Crew Chief fumed, "What's with those F*&%in A$$h*!es? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!"
The Medic chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!"
The Chaplin said, "Here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him."
He said, "Hello, George! What's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"
The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."
The group fell silent for a moment.
The Chaplin said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."
The Medic said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact an ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them."
The Crew Chief said, "Why can't they play at night?"
Understanding Crew Chiefs - Take Two
To the optimist, the glass is half full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.
To the Crew Chief, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
Understanding Crew Chiefs - Take Three
Two Crew Chiefs were walking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second Crew Chief replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."
The second Crew Chief nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."
Understanding Crew Chiefs - Take Four
What is the difference between mechanical engineers, civil engineers and Crew Chiefs?
Mechanical engineers build weapons. Civil engineers build targets. Crew Chiefs take them apart and make them better.
Understanding Crew Chiefs - Take Five
The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an engineering degree asks, " How does it work?"
The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"
The Crew Chief with a CCAF says, "Shut the f*&% up and get me a beer!"
Understanding Crew Chiefs - Take Six
Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.
Crew Chiefs would love to get their hands on the engineers.
Understanding Crew Chiefs - Take Seven
A Crew Chief was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him And said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week."
The Crew Chief took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.
The frog then cried out, you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do ANYTHING you want."
Again, the Crew Chief took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want.
Why won't you kiss me?"
The Crew Chief said, "Look, I'm a Crew Chief on my second marriage. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."
A Chaplin, Medic, and a Crew Chief were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The Crew Chief fumed, "What's with those F*&%in A$$h*!es? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!"
The Medic chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!"
The Chaplin said, "Here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him."
He said, "Hello, George! What's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"
The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."
The group fell silent for a moment.
The Chaplin said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."
The Medic said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact an ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them."
The Crew Chief said, "Why can't they play at night?"
Understanding Crew Chiefs - Take Two
To the optimist, the glass is half full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.
To the Crew Chief, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
Understanding Crew Chiefs - Take Three
Two Crew Chiefs were walking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second Crew Chief replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."
The second Crew Chief nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."
Understanding Crew Chiefs - Take Four
What is the difference between mechanical engineers, civil engineers and Crew Chiefs?
Mechanical engineers build weapons. Civil engineers build targets. Crew Chiefs take them apart and make them better.
Understanding Crew Chiefs - Take Five
The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an engineering degree asks, " How does it work?"
The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"
The Crew Chief with a CCAF says, "Shut the f*&% up and get me a beer!"
Understanding Crew Chiefs - Take Six
Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.
Crew Chiefs would love to get their hands on the engineers.
Understanding Crew Chiefs - Take Seven
A Crew Chief was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him And said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week."
The Crew Chief took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.
The frog then cried out, you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do ANYTHING you want."
Again, the Crew Chief took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want.
Why won't you kiss me?"
The Crew Chief said, "Look, I'm a Crew Chief on my second marriage. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."
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These are great!!!! Thanks for the good laughF16and117DCC
Brien
Brien
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Meathook wrote:The Crew Chief said, "Look, I'm a Crew Chief on my second marriage. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."
Awww, come on, even if a Crew Chief had a talking frog he'd still dip it in liquid nitrogen and shatter it on the ramp...
Mike
F-16A/B/C/D P&W/GE Crew Chief and Phased Maint.
56TTW/63TFTS 1987-1989
401TFW/614TFS 1989-1991
56TTW/63TFTS 1987-1989
401TFW/614TFS 1989-1991
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That or a good sized Rice Bug, man they do shatter very well (I did that myself as ayoung Airman servicing LOX back in the P.I.).
The damn thing landed on my shoulder, scared the hell out of me, then fell into the Lox run off (drip pan), I picked it up, threw it down (had my gloves on of course) it broke like rock candy - very cool
The damn thing landed on my shoulder, scared the hell out of me, then fell into the Lox run off (drip pan), I picked it up, threw it down (had my gloves on of course) it broke like rock candy - very cool
More than likely have "been there and done that at some point", it sure keeps you young if done correctly
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yes yes yes, LOX games are fun...but dude those are ALL freakin hilarious..made my miserable day 100% better now. thank you very much
If it aint broke dont fix it, and yes Sir its supposed to leak like that 
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Awww, come on, even if a Crew Chief had a talking frog he'd still dip it in liquid nitrogen and shatter it on the ramp...
Mike
OMG....that is way too true to be laughing.....I like putting the crickets in the nitro....no jumping out!
"In this game of tag...I'll be the aggressor, watch your six"
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The Four Things a Wingman is Allowed to Say...
1. Two
2. Lead you're on fire.
3. I'm bingo fuel.
4. I'll take the fat one.
The Four Things an Assistant Crew Chief are Allowed to Say.
1. I already fixed that.
2. I'll stay late.
3. I'm going for more beer.
4. I'll take the fat one.
1. Two
2. Lead you're on fire.
3. I'm bingo fuel.
4. I'll take the fat one.
The Four Things an Assistant Crew Chief are Allowed to Say.
1. I already fixed that.
2. I'll stay late.
3. I'm going for more beer.
4. I'll take the fat one.
Vipers Fight while Raptors Train.
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Stupid Question
Our maintenance flight at George AFB had a few F-4C crew chiefs that were civilian pilots. Sgt Lillie was in fact rated as an instructor. One day the aircrew came out to fly.
Pilot: "So chief, how's the jet fly?"
Sgt Lillie: "You get the groundspeed up and pull the stick back. Someone should've mentioned that to you by now, sir."
Our maintenance flight at George AFB had a few F-4C crew chiefs that were civilian pilots. Sgt Lillie was in fact rated as an instructor. One day the aircrew came out to fly.
Pilot: "So chief, how's the jet fly?"
Sgt Lillie: "You get the groundspeed up and pull the stick back. Someone should've mentioned that to you by now, sir."
Vipers Fight while Raptors Train.
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Hahha excellent jokes Meathook, I however have revised the last one for a young airman.
Understanding Crew Chiefs - Take Seven
A Crew Chief was crossing a runway one day, when a frog called out to him And
said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."
He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a
beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week."
The Airman took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and threw it in the running engine so his friends on myspace would think he is cool.
End of story.
Understanding Crew Chiefs - Take Seven
A Crew Chief was crossing a runway one day, when a frog called out to him And
said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."
He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a
beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week."
The Airman took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and threw it in the running engine so his friends on myspace would think he is cool.
End of story.
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And my personal favorite...
An F-16 pilot died at the controls of his aircraft and went to pilots' hell, where he found a hideous devil and three doors.
The devil was busy escorting other pilots to various "hell rooms." He looked at the newly arrived pilot and said, "I'll be right back, don't go away," and he vanished.
Sneaking over to the first door, the pilot peeked in and saw a cockpit where the pilot was condemned to forever run through preflight checks. He slammed that door and peeked into the second. There, alarms rang and red lights flashed while a pilot had to avoid one emergency after another.
Unable to imagine a worse fate, he cautiously opened the third door. He was amazed to see a pilot getting ready for a flight while several crew chiefs diligently put the final touches on a perfectly maintained aircraft and other crew chiefs help him out of the ops truck and carry his helmet bag. The crew chiefs even brought him coffee and saluted sharply as they presented the forms for his approval. He quickly returned to his place seconds before the devil reappeared.
"Okay," said the devil, "which door will it be, number 1 or number 2?"
"Um,I want door number 3," answered the pilot.
"Sorry," said the devil. "You can't have door number 3, that's Crew Chief Hell."
An F-16 pilot died at the controls of his aircraft and went to pilots' hell, where he found a hideous devil and three doors.
The devil was busy escorting other pilots to various "hell rooms." He looked at the newly arrived pilot and said, "I'll be right back, don't go away," and he vanished.
Sneaking over to the first door, the pilot peeked in and saw a cockpit where the pilot was condemned to forever run through preflight checks. He slammed that door and peeked into the second. There, alarms rang and red lights flashed while a pilot had to avoid one emergency after another.
Unable to imagine a worse fate, he cautiously opened the third door. He was amazed to see a pilot getting ready for a flight while several crew chiefs diligently put the final touches on a perfectly maintained aircraft and other crew chiefs help him out of the ops truck and carry his helmet bag. The crew chiefs even brought him coffee and saluted sharply as they presented the forms for his approval. He quickly returned to his place seconds before the devil reappeared.
"Okay," said the devil, "which door will it be, number 1 or number 2?"
"Um,I want door number 3," answered the pilot.
"Sorry," said the devil. "You can't have door number 3, that's Crew Chief Hell."
Former Crew Chief
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