Forum: Air Force Life

Aviation reporter chicken: “No trust me, we’re getting the third stealthiest version. I will tell you in strictest confidence, however, that other air forces will be getting less stealthy aircraft. Burp.”

Summer F-22 Supervisor of Flying chicken: “Looks like rain. Cancel flying and golf.”

Winter F-22 SOF chicken: “Snow and volcanic ash? No problem, go fly.”

Foreign customer rep chicken: “Your highness, USAF has added some anti-virus software fees and small print disclaimers for the less stealthy models.”

"Less stealthy" F-35 driver chicken: “Having been the first pilot to eject from an F-35 has not appreciably affected my career progression, nor raised any big issues about the aircraft. I think I answered most of the board’s questions to their satisfaction. Excuse me, the board wants me back in the room now.”

USAF JCS chicken: “Sir, you can be sure we will not commit Raptors to combat unless it’s prudent and safe to do so.”

OL

F-16.net Sponsor

Texas chicken: All chickens attempting to reach their destination must first cross main highway, and then cross an access road. If chicken gets lost, there will be a turnaround within the next 5 blocks.

DOD export software suitability and quality control chicken: “Tell the defense minister we’re sorry about the Warsaw Pact screw-up. Tell him we’ll give him a reduced price on the “Axis of Evil” Threat Identification software package. One-third off.”

Tit for tat chicken: “We’ll show them. We’ll brew Fosters differently for them. What? You say we already do.”

Computer code hacker chicken: “When we finally broke it down & extracted it, in addition to a “kill switch”, we found it also contained the original recipe for KFC.”

Unidentified National Security service “kill switch” Commander chicken: “Make sure they’re all on the ground before you hit that button. We don’t want an international incident.”

Export fighter driver chicken: “Chief, I don’t have a clue. It just quit running and all the MFD’s turned blue.”

Master export plan conspiracy chicken: “We’ll shift their terrain database by about 10 degrees of longitude and input these bogus Air Data Computer values so they’ll constantly be busy dealing with GCAS nuisance transients and never notice their reduced stealth.”

Sports bar football fan chicken: “Dear, have you noticed the Fosters tastes a bit skunky these days.”

USAF Force Planning Staff chicken: “The Guard Bureau called and said: “Forget it, just forget it.”

Siskel movie critic chicken: “Ebert, you missed the whole point of that movie. Jessep was heroic.”

Ebert chicken: “I would have sworn that during that part, Kaffee baited Jessep into admitting that as a USMC Colonel, he thought he was above the law, although I missed the Sharon Stone thing in Basic Instinct too. Next up, we preview Iron Eagle versus Predator.”

Jessep chicken: “Walk softly and carry an armored tank division.”

Occasionally I post while sleepwalking.

OL

Did someone say chicken?

5th gen fighter driver chicken: “I’m not sure what the switch does. It either does something if I were to GLOC or it turns out all my lights. Same, same.”

Tiffy P/D active MAWS audio chicken countdown system: “Counter measures now…standby for missile dodge manoeuvre in five, four, three, two…uh…one...uh…eject.”

Recent “southern hemisphere” Miss Universe contestant chick: “Someone sabotaged my formal gown with six pins. On stage, I felt six pricks.”

TIC Marine platoon CO chicken: “Call in Marine air. Okay then call in Naval air. All right we’ll take the Air Force then. Blackwater?”

Distant “down beam” non-combatant citizen chicken: “Fortunately it didn’t damage the Derailleur system, it just melted the horn.”

USAF pilot wannabe chicken: “I’ve got a 4.0 GPA, beau coups A/P courses, captain of the football, baseball, basketball & debating teams, “volunteer” is my middle name when it comes to community service, no credit card debt and I don’t text while I drive. We live next door to a Congressman; I have 20/10 vision & 2000 hours of civilian flying time. My problem is this: I don’t want to fly fighters…I want to fly heavies. Should I drop some of the community service?”

OL

More Media chickens:

MTV: Remember when we used to show The Chicken Crossing the Road
video's.

Discovery Channel: Myth Busters-The Chicken Crossing the Road.

ESPN: Top ten Chicken Crossing the Road plays.

Weather Channel: Tonights weather for the road that the chicken will
be crossing.

History Channel: The Chicken Crossing the Road-The Series

USA Network: Another rerun of The Chicken Crossing the Road-SUV

Cartoon Network: Foghorn Leghorn and friends crossing the road.

VH1: Not sure what we show, no one watches us anyway!

Comedy Central: Did you hear the joke about the Chicken Crossing the
Road?

Food Network: Hey, has any one seen the chicken!

Rosie O'Donnell Chicken (may also apply to Roseanne Barr Chicken and Dom DeLuise Chicken): Nom nom nom nom...BUUUUUUUURRRRRP!!!! (lifts leg and farts)..."Ummm...What Chicken?"

Jack Nicholson Chicken: "The Effin' chicken crossed the Effin' road, because he Effin' wanted to!"

Joe Pesci Chicken: Violently kills any rooster who tells him to go back to his coop and get his Effin' shine box.

Colonel Sanders Chicken: Cross the road to my place chickens!

Ethel Merman Chicken: Turns any simple road crossing procedure into a full-out musical.

Rosemary Clooney Chicken: Similar to the Ethel Merman Chicken, however, has a nephew rooster who is adored by hens everywhere, and whose movies both roosters and hens cross the road to see!

Time for a game of chicken?...quotes

Human factors engineer chicken: “There’s some question as to whether the pilots are actually hearing the specific verbiage in most of the many audio warnings. We’ve decided to streamline the system with a single audio alert that a military pilot is sure to understand. For the regulars we’ll use: “Promotion, promotion.” For the Guard we’ll use: “Retirement, retirement.”

Carrier Battle Group CO chicken: “I think we can get in some golf before the strike force recovery. Then we’ll meet at the O’club for happy hour after the last trap.”

Advanced spec ops force forward airfield security chicken: “I think we’ve got it ready for the USAF jets. After they get here and clear out a safe zone we’ll bring in the Marine STOVL guys.”

ANG/AFRES fighter chicken: “Three of the units I belonged to in the past eventually went from fighters to…tankers. It’s good to know it was political, I always felt that they blamed me.”

70’s Tulsa Guard chicken: “They’re taking our C-124’s away from us and giving us F-100’s. We are screwed.”

Marine F-35 aerial refueling driver chicken: “Okay, 11 is pre-contact. Wait, this isn’t going to work.”

OL

USMC Commandant chicken: “With the widespread perception that aggressive Marine aviators with thick necks routinely over-G fighter aircraft, we’re going to have one of our retired guys publicly hedge and “limit” the Corps F-35B’s to 8.5 “G’s” even though it’s good to 9 G. What? You say it’s actually limited to 7.5? Then tell them no more than 6. Lieutenant, can we win with 6?”

JCS Operational Concepts Staff chicken: “We’re migrating to a centralized eccentric net-centric organic concept of asymmetric non-synchronous employment options for tomorrow’s warfighter chicken. A college degree and a bayonet will be helpful.”

USN/USMC budget oversight chicken: “We’re looking good somewhere after FY 46.”

Joint Coalition Force CO chicken: “There’s some disagreement as to whether to just beat up the beachhead or invade it. There’s a scenic cove just a little further south.”

Squadron weapons officer chicken: “Is two B-61’s at CAT 3 load or is it CAT 1 because it’s symmetrical or because it’s a digital FCS? If the yields are different is it CAT 2?”

CENTAF Objectives Coordinator chicken: “The CSMonitor says Stuxnet has already targeted that. Can we move on?”

USMC F-35 driver chicken: “Sir, maneuvering is irrelevant.”

USMC Commandant chicken: “We’ll go with a ’Don’t ask, don’t tell’ policy for G limits.”

USN F-14 driver chicken: “Every time those wings move, it screws up my approach.”

F-111B driver chicken: “This isn’t going to cut it. I don’t think I can get it on the boat.”

Consumer chicken: "Cost of an F-35 has risen nearly 4% since 2008. Milk is up 7%.

OL

It's the BBQ chicken I had for lunch.

Semi-continent F-35 driver chicken: “I was using the relief tube when I hit some bumpy air and the next thing I know the whole right side forward display shorted out and went blank.”

TOC coordinator chicken: “Sorry Colonel, I can’t scramble anybody. It’s 30 September. We zeroed our flight hours two days ago. Everyone’s at the club. Call back tomorrow.”

FAA Safety guru chicken: “The funding is being reduced for the NexGen “Safer Skies Program”. We’re going to rename it the “Somewhat Safer Skies Program”.

Raytheon engineer chicken: “The AIM-9X Block III will incorporate GPS navigation capability as well as Inertial Navigation, DME-DME and ADF. We’re also providing it with an E-6B in case of multiple signal failures and excessive inertial drift. As a result, we’ve had to reduce the size of the IIR seeker, but it will still have LOAL capability as well as Lock-on Inertial Option Navigation (LION) & Lock-on After Motor Burnout (LAMB).”

F-35 Academic Squadron instructor chicken: “Gentlemen…and ladies, the F-35 relief tube is trans-gender non-specific. Both roosters and hens should have no problem crossing this road. Did I say that correctly?”

Civil Sea Harrier driver chicken: “The Pegasus is running a little rough. Before I cross the road again I’m going to AutoZone for some STP.”

Twin seat fighter pilot chicken: “Chief, what are these yellow stains in the 781?”

AWACS strike controller chicken: “They want you to hit the grade school next to the hospital with everything you’ve got, including drop tanks.”

Auto GCAS engineer chicken: “And I quote the PR release: ‘…have been putting the system through a rigorous schedule for the program that researchers hope will lead to the virtual elimination of fighter aircraft mishaps.’ We’ve done it. No more fighter accidents. Wait, they said ‘hope’. There’s always something.”

F-35 egress & equipment shop chicken: "Yes, you get issued this fancy, multi-million dollar helmet and a year's supply of Depends. You have to return the helmet when you retire."

OL

NGB policy chicken: “We’re basing some of the unit transitions on speed. We’re providing slower aircraft to those units whose individual mindsets appear to be most compatible with a speed reduction.”

FAA Safety chicken: “Further funding reductions have forced us to rename the program again. We’re currently leaning toward: “Somewhat Less Dangerous Skies Program”.

Forum poster chicken: “Is this the way Orson Welles felt in 1938?”

Aviation aficionado guru chicken: “Auto-land systems will never catch on out there.”

Naval Aviator chicken: “After a rough, dark night of hours of CAS, multiple air refuelings & getting shot at in marginal weather, what I really look forward to is coming back to the boat where it’s 200 feet overcast with ½ mile visibility & sea state 6, and making a manual approach and landing for proficiency.”

ANG fighter pilot chicken: “I’m canceling both my subscription to ‘The Semi-Quarterly Third Line of Offense Journal’ and ‘Scientific American’, immediately.”

Former Guard F-16/F-15/F-4E unit pilot chicken quotes:

Syracuse Guard pilot chicken: “I wish we had C-130’s.”
Houston Guard pilot chicken: “Ditto.”
Fargo Guard pilot chicken: “Ditto.”
Terre Haute Guard pilot chicken: “Ditto.”
Springfield OH Guard pilot chicken: “Ditto.”
Springfield ILL Guard pilot chicken: “Ditto.”
St. Louis Guard pilot chicken: “Ditto.”
Otis AFB MA Guard pilot chicken: “Ditto.”
March AFB CA Guard pilot chicken: “Ditto.”

San Juan Guard pilot chicken: “We do.”

Bergstrom AFRES pilot chicken: “I wish we had a unit.”

OL

“Does a former drill sergeant make a terrible therapist?” (credit to Geico)

Football stadium fan chicken: “Look, there’s the Goodyear blimp. No wait. It’s the Albuquerque Guard patrolling for ticket scalpers. That doesn’t say Goodyear, it says Gorditas.”

ANG Fighter driver chucken: “Yea, I bailed on ‘em when I had the chance. I could see the writing on the wall. But I want everyone else to be sympathetic to those folks left behind there. This is serious, no laughing.”

*******************************************************

Viper pilot chicken: “Chief, the vibration comes from the accessory drive bevel gear shaft bearing. It’s low frequency, 10 or 20 Hz, similar to a Schumann Resonance but with a variably sinusoidal oscillation in amplitude that dampens with throttle movement. It is accompanied by a 10 to 12 Hz airframe harmonic that causes instrument panel vibration and slight ear pain when out of sync with the engine vibration.”

MX engine debriefer chicken: “Major, how the heck do you know all that?”

Viper pilot chicken: “I don’t. You said no more ‘dumb’ write-ups.”

**************************************************************

Guard MX supervisor chicken: “We’re having trouble statistically with the Friday afternoon sortie abort rates. Can’t quite nail down the reason though.”

Air Guard balloon instructor pilot chicken: “Turn the burner up a little higher, we’re drifting toward some power lines. After we clear ‘em, I’ll show you how maneuverable this thing is. I’ll demo a “bag over” and a “basketdelle”.

Guard Viper driver chicken declaring an IFE: “Tell the SOF I’ve got a vibration in the throttle friction adjustment.”

Airline pilot chicken: “Tell company we’ve got a vibration write-up. The altimeter vibrator is not working, but the number two engine vibration makes up for it.”

Guard Admin chicken: “My wife wants to know what the big deal is about vibrations.”

Background chicken voice: “Give it a rest.”

OL

Shortcut wrote:

Quote:

But what about all the TURTLES crossing the road, OL?? They are now feeling quite left out!

Thats for the A-10 website

outlaw162 wrote:

Former Guard F-16/F-15/F-4E unit pilot chicken quotes:

Syracuse Guard pilot chicken: “I wish we had C-130’s.”
Houston Guard pilot chicken: “Ditto.”
Fargo Guard pilot chicken: “Ditto.”
Terre Haute Guard pilot chicken: “Ditto.”
Springfield OH Guard pilot chicken: “Ditto.”
Springfield ILL Guard pilot chicken: “Ditto.”
St. Louis Guard pilot chicken: “Ditto.”
Otis AFB MA Guard pilot chicken: “Ditto.”
March AFB CA Guard pilot chicken: “Ditto.”

San Juan Guard pilot chicken: “We do.”

Bergstrom AFRES pilot chicken: “I wish we had a unit.”

OL

Very Well put!

I hope maddog doesn't mind.

Economics the way they are, the holiday turkey was chicken...

IDF spokesperson chicken: “Initially we thought they said they shot down a buffoon.”

DOD stealth capabilities briefer chicken: “Naturally, we can’t comment on our numbers for LO and VLO. But we can say that the numbers for JLO are 36,26,40.”

Turbo-prop driver chicken: “Wow, we made it…30,000 feet. Oops, I forgot to reset the altimeter. We’ve got another 140 feet to go…more torque.”

GOM UAV driver pollo: “I put it in an orbit over Juarez for my siesta break. When I woke up…well…it must have been one strong viento del sur.”

Former T-38 instructor flight lead chicken: “Go Hawkeyes.”

RNoAF F-16 flight lead chicken: “Settle down out there eleven, you’re a little wide.”

F-35 driver chicken discussing pre-merge with a "savvy" 4th gen chicken: “So you recommend that I start dumping fuel while avoiding gaining any cumbersome energy so as to be at a lighter weight at the merge…and then I light the burner so as to rapidly deplete what remaining fuel I have?”

F-35 driver chicken: “During daylight, I use a fuel dump pre-merge to not only “lighten up” but also to visually highlight my position so as to be able to entrap more victims.”

Phantom driver chicken: “Dump what?? !!!”

Airline pilot chicken: "Company says you dump it, you pay for it."

LM design engineer chicken: “Conceptually we’ve come up with a fighter that can sustain 9G at its “optimum speed”…L/D max KCAS. So far it looks a lot like a cross between a Grob and a Bradley.”

OL

Another famous quote:

"I wish that was a chicken that crossed the road!"

Lt Commander Sam Carter
Pilot of 81-0713, June 7, 1988

Forum: Air Force Life

The Chicken is Crossing the Road Again