Forum: Off-topic

A tourist walked into a pet store and was looking at the animals on display. While he was there, a Chief Master Sergeant (CMSgt) from the local airfield walked in.
"I'll take a maintenance monkey, please."

The storekeeper nodded, went to a cage at the side of the store and took out a monkey. He put a collar and leash on the animal and handed it the CMSgt.
"That'll be $5,000."
The CMSgt paid and left with the monkey.

Surprised, the tourist went to the shopkeeper.
"That was a very expensive monkey. Most of them are only a few hundred dollars. Why did that one cost so much?"

"Ah, that¹s a maintenance monkey. He can rig aircraft flight controls, score 95 on the AF CDC test, perform the duties of any MX officer with no back talk or complaints. It's well worth the money."

The tourist spotted a monkey in another cage.
"That one's even more expensive--$10,000! What does it do?"

"Oh, that one is a "Maintenance Supervisor" monkey! It can instruct at all levels of maintenance, supervise maintenance at the unit, intermediate, and depot level, and even do most of the paperwork. A very useful monkey indeed."

The tourist looked around a little longer and found a third monkey in a cage. The price tag read, "$100,000." The shocked tourist exclaimed,
"That one costs more than all the others put together! What in the world does it do?"

"Well, I've never actually seen him do anything but drink beer and play with himself , but his papers say he's a pilot... "

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That's a good one. Here's one similar that I heard:

A guy walks into the bar and asks for a drink. The bartender looks at the guy and says, "let's see what kind of money you got first."

The guy's broke, so he says, "say, if I can show you something you've never seen before, could I get a drink?"

The bartender looks at him and says, "It'll have to be good." So, the guy reaches into his pocket and pulls out a marmot. The marmot crawls over to the piano and begins playing Motzart like nobody's business.

The bartender is impressed, and gives the guy a drink.

Soon, the guy asks for another drink. The Bartender refuses. "Nope, you'll have to show me something else."

So, the guy pulls out a turtle. The turtle pokes his head out of his shell and starts to sing Opera. The bartender is again impressed and gives the guy another drink.
A man approaches the guy with the turtle and says, "I'll give you $1000 for that turtle." The guy accepts the grand and gives him the turtle.
The man walks off, pleased.

The bartender says, "you know, you could've gotten more than $1k for that turtle. For pete's sake, a turtle that can sing opera? You're crazy."

To which, the guy replies, "That wasn't the turtle, that was the marmot throwing it's voice."

Nice one as well Chaff
I like 'em both Smile

Forum: Off-topic

Good Joke