The Chicken is Crossing the Road Again

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maddog2840

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Unread post25 Apr 2007, 15:45

Yeah, I nicked <a href="aviation_jokes_article182.html">this one</a> off <a href="aviation_jokes.html">the aviation humor page</a>, but I feel it's in the need of some typically USAF updating.

Air Education and Training Command:
The purpose is to familiarize the chicken with road-crossing procedures. Road-crossing should be performed only between the hours of sunset and sunrise. Solo chickens must have at least three miles of visibility and a safety observer.

Special Ops:
The chicken crossed at a 90 degree angle to avoid prolonged exposure to enemy fire.. To achieve maximum surprise, the chicken should have performed this maneuver at night using NVG's, preferably near a road bend in a valley.

Air Combat Command:
The chicken should log this as a GCC sortie only if road-crossing qualified. The crossing updates the chicken's 60-day road-crossing currency only if performed on a Monday or Thursday or during a full moon. Instructor chickens may update currency any time they observe another chicken cross the road.

Tanker Airlift Control Center:
We need the road-crossing time and the time the chicken becomes available for another crossing.

Command Post:
What chicken?

Tower:
The chicken was instructed to hold short of the road. This road-incursion incident was reported in a Hazardous Chicken Road-Crossing Report (HACKRR). Please re-emphasize that chickens are required to read back all hold short instructions.

Base Ops:
The Chicken needs to file a Road Crossing Plan (RCP) prior to attempting to cross.

C-130 crewmember:
Just put it in back and let's go.

C-17 crewmember:
I ordered a no. 4 with Turkey and ham, NOT chicken. Besides, where the heck are my condiments?! We ain't taking off til' I get my condiments!!!

Fighter dude:
The Chicken was only in the road for 30 seconds. There was no hazard. I saw my shot and I took it.

Navigator Dude:
What road?

B-1 crew:
Missed the whole show--we had an IFE so we couldn't get out to see it; you'll have to ask the SOF.

Air Force Personnel Center:
Due to the needs of the Air Force, the chicken was involuntarily reassigned to the other side of the road. This will be a 3-year controlled tour and we promise to give the chicken a good-deal assignment afterwards. Every chicken will be required to do one road-crossing during its career, and this will not affect its opportunities for future promotion.

John Warden:
The chicken used its unique ability to operate in 2 dimensions to bypass the less important strategic rings on this side of the road and strike directly into the heart of the enemy, thereby destroying the will of the enemy to fight and thus ending the conflict on terms favorable to the chicken.
Vipers Fight while Raptors Train.
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maddog2840

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Unread post25 Apr 2007, 15:48

So I added these. Feel free to add or update as you see fit.

Air National Guard:
Due to a BRAC closure the Chicken was forced to cross the road. The Chicken is authorized full Per Deum and Travel Expenses while crossing the road. Upon crossing, the Chicken will be assigned to the Turkey Wing and assist them with preparations for their upcoming Operation Thanksgiving deployment.

Air Force Reserve:
Due to Mission Requirements, the Chicken’s stay on the Road will be involuntarily extended for 180 days

Congress:
We voted for the chicken to go onto the road. We support the Chicken while it’s in the road. We want a definite time and date that the Chicken will be off the road.
Last edited by maddog2840 on 21 Jun 2007, 06:07, edited 1 time in total.
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VPRGUY

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Unread post25 Apr 2007, 15:53

Congress:
We voted for the chicken to go onto the road. We support the Chicken while it’s in the road. We want a definite time and date that that the Chicken will be off the road.


LMAO :lmao: :thumb:
Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.
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maddog2840

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Unread post25 Apr 2007, 16:02

Thanks VPRGUY. I thunked it up myself. :whistle:
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curtmtG

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Unread post25 Apr 2007, 17:36

ahahha excellent post man!
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Destro

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Unread post25 Apr 2007, 19:13

That was awesome!!!!!
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parrothead

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Unread post26 Apr 2007, 21:10

Foxtrotting LOVE IT :thumb: !
No plane on Sunday, maybe be one come Monday...
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maddog2840

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Unread post27 Apr 2007, 14:16

Air Demonstration Squadron:

The Chicken crosses the road, maintaining minimum separation with five other chickens, while a groovy soundtrack plays in the background.
Vipers Fight while Raptors Train.
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Tim

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Unread post29 Apr 2007, 21:30

Simply put..... :lmao:
If you're in a fair fight, Your tactics suck !!
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Tim

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Unread post29 Apr 2007, 23:44

White House Press Sec:
Chicken? What Chicken?
If you're in a fair fight, Your tactics suck !!
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maddog2840

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Unread post21 Jun 2007, 06:19

Operational Test and Evaluation Squadron:
The chicken first crosses the road normally. Then crosses back while hopping on its left foot. Then it crosses a third time, but this time hopping on it's right foot. Then entire procedure is repeated at night.

Aggressor Squadron:
Four chickens disguised as ducks hide beside the road and pounce on any chicken they see crossing the road.
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maddog2840

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Unread post10 Aug 2007, 22:16

HH-60 Blackhawk

The Chicken rises vertically at the side of the Road. Establishes a hover and then proceeds to the middle of the Road. The Chicken lands in the middle of the Road for ice cream and "leak check". The Chicken then climbs out and proceeds to the other side of the Road.
Vipers Fight while Raptors Train.
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Arctus

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Unread post11 Aug 2007, 01:24

Ammo

If you ain't a chicken you ain't $hit!!


MPF

The chicken will not be able to cross the road from 1100 to 1330 for an official function


Maintenance

It takes a college education to break a chicken but only a high school one to fix it


MOCC

Attention all radios this net. This is the MOCC with a chicken road crossing announcement. The chicken will be crossing the road from Lima row to taxi way 5. All vehicles yield to the chicken. All radios please respond. MOCC out.


CCSecurity Forces

Cordon off 3 miles of road and dispatch a unit to escort chicken across road at designated road crossing. Ensure chicken observes all traffic regulations and road signs. Ticket chicken in the event of any violations or as required to meet monthly quota. If chicken crosses road into restricted area jack chicken immediately.


Life Support

Carrying bags of pi$$ out to the dumpster wasn't bad enough...now we're taking out chicken$hit too!
354 FW Eielson 02-05
389 FS Mtn Home 99-02
54 & 90 FS Elmendorf 91-99
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maddog2840

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Unread post12 Aug 2007, 13:42

Arctus wrote:Ammo

If you ain't a chicken you ain't $hit!!


MPF

The chicken will not be able to cross the road from 1100 to 1330 for an official function




MOCC

Attention all radios this net. This is the MOCC with a chicken road crossing announcement. The chicken will be crossing the road from Lima row to taxi way 5. All vehicles yield to the chicken. All radios please respond. MOCC out.


Security Forces

Cordon off 3 miles of road and dispatch a unit to escort chicken across road at designated road crossing. Ensure chicken observes all traffic regulations and road signs. Ticket chicken in the event of any violations or as required to meet monthly quota. If chicken crosses road into restricted area jack chicken immediately.


Life Support

Carrying bags of pi$$ out to the dumpster wasn't bad enough...now we're taking out chicken$hit too!




:lmao:
Vipers Fight while Raptors Train.
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TC

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Unread post02 Jan 2009, 04:07

Stan/Eval: Chicken has own technique for road crossings. Chicken is busted and will require additional training on road crossing procedures, followed by a road crossing with an instructor chicken, and then a check crossing with an evaluator chicken, before chicken's road crossing qualification can be regained.

TACC: After receiving the chicken's road crossing time, and the time that the chicken became available for another road crossing, the chicken was placed in Alert status for another road crossing for 5 consecutive cycles. After finally being alerted on the 6th day, an opportunity to cross his own road was available for the chicken, but we will instead send the chicken to a different road.

C-130: Despite being useless against AAA, all chickens in AMC will now wear full battle rattle when crossing roads, because we complained to AMC that this is how our chickens cross roads. Also, report a SAFIRE incident to Intel for this road crossing, even if no other chickens ever see anything remotely dangerous during their own road crossings.

C-5: Chicken tried to cross road, but broke on a road that pays high per diem rate. Chicken will not cross road for another 2 weeks.

C-17: Chicken crossed road with a load pulled from the broken Galaxy chicken, and which was too big for a Hercules chicken to carry.

AFRC/ANG: Chickens have crossed road with fighters for decades, but for no apparent reason, chickens will now have to transition to C-130s, or permanently cross road to another side that still crosses with fighters.

It's amazing how many of these you can come up with on your own, just by spending a few years in the "road crossing" community.
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