The Chicken is Crossing the Road Again

The F-16.net watering hole - this is the place the place to exchange stories, favourite aviation bar locations and military-grade cocktail recipies!
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Raptor_DCTR

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Unread post26 Jul 2010, 23:50

NASCAR chicken: Banned from all future road crossings for attempting a right turn mid road
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tbarlow

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Unread post26 Jul 2010, 23:51

News Media Chickens:

CBS- We cant find a chicken, so we will make it up!

NBC- Our ratings are in the tank, so lets do another
chicken story.

ABC- Our competition is doing another chicken story, lets
do another Obama story.

CNN- Chicken News Network, lets do another Bill or Hillary story!

MSNBC- We only cover chickens that cross on the left side of the road.
Tonight's top story: See how great the left wing is!

FOX- Fair and Balanced: B-B-Q, Original, and Extra Crispy.

Katie Couric: Fat thighs, small breasts, left wing only.

Dan Rather: ............. Lets not got there...
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outlaw162

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Unread post01 Aug 2010, 22:53

Unemployed USAF pilot chicken: “There were 567 of us. Can you tell me where to find the closest soup kitchen & homeless shelter?”

F-16.net F-35 aficionado chicken: “No, actually I’ve always wanted to teach English.”

Gripen NG driver chicken: “My car is a BMW.”

UPT bound baby chicken: “Can I go to Ma Crosby’s after I finish T-6’s?”

Chicken chicken: “I’m freezing, I wonder what they’re going to do with me?”

OL
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Raptor_DCTR

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Unread post01 Aug 2010, 23:21

Nonner chicker stationed at Luke in August: "Man it's cold in here. I shouldn't have got my feathers cut so short."
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VarkVet

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Unread post01 Aug 2010, 23:27

My eyes have seen the glory of the Lord and the esthetics of the Flightline
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TC

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Unread post02 Aug 2010, 03:19

F-22 chicken: "Dude, Alamogordo sucks! Let's start crossing roads in Florida!"

F-16 B-Course IP chicken: "Man, Phoenix is awesome!...Wait...What? I have to start crossing roads in New Mexico? Mother Clucker!"
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tokenblkguy1785

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Unread post02 Aug 2010, 20:05

TC wrote:F-22 chicken: "Dude, Alamogordo sucks! Let's start crossing roads in Florida!"

F-16 B-Course IP chicken: "Man, Phoenix is awesome!...Wait...What? I have to start crossing roads in New Mexico? Mother Clucker!"

:lmao:
555 AMU '05-'08; 36 AMU '08-'09; 8 AMU '09-'11; F-35, LM
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outlaw162

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Unread post04 Aug 2010, 19:35

RAF Air Chief Marshal chicken: “Mandrake, you and all of the other lads are being transferred to the Royal Navy.”

KC-135Q boomer chicken (during SR-71 rendezvous, SR 500 miles out): “Break away! Break away!”

USAF Personnel retention chicken: “Sir, I suggest we change the Air Force Symbol to a dollar sign with wings and give all the flyers an iPhone 4 with unlimited texting if they stay another 5.”

Guard Bureau Personnel retention chicken: “No sir, we’re not having that problem.”

USN Rear Admiral hen: “I think the Bush bridge could do with some curtains and knick-knacks.”
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outlaw162

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Unread post06 Aug 2010, 21:59

Mishap board chicken: “It was a freakish thing. The auto-ejection system functioned just as the GCAS took control during an autoland.”

F-22 driver chicken saved by the GCAS: “Yes sir, after I got into that situation, it got me right out of it. What’s the flight surgeon doing here? What’s with the fire truck and champagne?”

Wing Commander chicken: “We celebrate everyone’s last flight son.”

LM engineer chicken: “USAF wants it. Ergonomically it should go right next to the ILS control panel. Do they still want an “off” switch?”

Edwards GCAS test pilot chicken: “We’ve flown it against this particular hill many times. The system works like a champ.”

Terrain database supplier chicken: “We can add that. Where exactly is that located?”

Offer of a bribe might stop this.

OL
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fiskerwad

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Unread post06 Aug 2010, 22:39

On the contrary, could you add graphics/cartoons? You know this is how Dilbert got started, made Scott Adams a millionaire!
fisk
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outlaw162

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Unread post07 Aug 2010, 14:06

Thanks,

OL


(Newspaper Comics section editor chicken: “We’ve run the demographics Outlaw, and we feel there are a substantial number of 60-70 year old women who would read this stuff regularly. Can you draw?”

Aviation mag editor chicken: “This Outlaw clown thinks we need cartoons. I referred him to a magazine which built its reputation on cartoons, Playboy.”

Publisher chicken: “We ran the demographic flag up again Outlaw, and though your material doesn’t necessarily have universal appeal, we found that you were hugely popular with that group of women who regularly correspond with prison inmates. You’ll be hearing from us.”)
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outlaw162

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Unread post14 Aug 2010, 19:31

The cruelty to chickens letters just keep coming from PETA.

Pilot chickens observing centrifuge training: ”What’s he doing, sir?” “Guys, that young chicken is doing the chicken.”

Young, soon to be ex, fighter driver chicken: “I blacked out?" "Heavies? Please, no. They don’t have ejection seats. Can’t I try the “fuge” one more time?”

Crusty USN fighter instructor pilot chicken: “Hands not great, grays out a lot, but fast on his feet. He could be an upholsterer.”

Budgetary oversight chicken: “They claim the monetary value of all aircraft potentially saved is significantly more than the cost of the installation." "Pilot chicken lives saved? No, they didn’t say anything about that.”

Staff level Flight Safety chicken: “outlaw, you can’t mean what you say. Don’t you value every chicken’s life?”

F-22 pilot chicken: “Ground control, the damn airbag malfunctioned again. Send out the tug please.”

LM engineer chicken: “Of course there’s room for it. We’ll just move some of those weapons switches out of the way.”

F-22 pilot chicken in GCAS fam course: “Let me get this straight. Inverted, it violently commands one negative G, then rolls faster than I can, & through the 90 degree bank point it then violently commands 5.5 positive G’s. Of course I’ll trust it.”

OL
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fiskerwad

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Unread post15 Aug 2010, 02:58

outlaw162 wrote:LM engineer chicken: “Of course there’s room for it. We’ll just move some of those weapons switches out of the way.”

OL


Slight correction, OL:

LM engineer chicken: “There is no room for it but we’ll just combine several of those weapons switches to do the job. After all, everyone knows control/alt/delete.”
(At least until they fix MMC restarts!)
fisk
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outlaw162

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Unread post17 Aug 2010, 23:09

Young fighter jock chicken: “This buffoon outhouse162 says he doubts current fighter pilots know how to avoid GLOC.”

Older mellow fighter jock chicken: “Just the opposite, son. “outlaw chicken” says we don’t need GCAS. What he’s saying is that someone we work for, someone on the policy level doubts that GLOC can be avoided on the squadron level. I don’t like him either, he’s arrogant and annoying, but he’s not a bad person. He reminds me of…me. Now get to class.”

Mirage 2000 driver chicken: “Every fight, one turn and it’s over. Could it be more
amazing? Oh wait…there’s an invisible chicken.” (credit to Dodge)

Old F-4 driver chicken: “Wow, the range capability of these new radars is amazing. If you put one on an old F-4, he could see further than he could fly.”

Single-engine pilot chicken: “4000 degrees? Let me see, ah yes here in the yellow band.”

“Politically” oriented original recipe chicken: “I know. I’ve forwarded that same e-mail many times even though I know its BS. We want chickens to think for themselves.”

Sukhoi driver chicken: “If I know I lack situation awareness, do I then have situation awareness?”

Auto-ACAS test pilot chicken: “That was close!”

SOCOM COIN/CAS update program chicken: “We’re pulling all the A-7’s out of AMARG. We’re removing the Moving Map and adding auto-GCAS. They’ll be just like F-16 Block 40’s, only slower and not able to turn as well.”

SOCOM air tasking chicken: “We’re getting some sporadic collateral damage from smart weapons. I recommend we go back to dumb bombs.”

Bolivian A-29 driver chicken: “I’m doing the flyby for El Presidente’s birthday. The surround sound system on the reviewing stand will play “happy birthday to you” and also provide recorded jet noise.”

USAF research Flight Surgeon chicken: “I’m thinking if we install heart and circulatory monitors to modulate the force transducers, they can pull all they want.”

Other USAF research FS chicken: “No need. These flight control guys are geniuses. When a given G onset rate is commanded by the pilot, I bet they can proportionally limit the max G attainable if the rate is excessive and consistently associated with you know what. In other words, more for less. Of course this will add a limiter to the limiters.”

A-10 driver chicken: “Did he mean 300 miles at 500 knots or 500 miles at 300 knots?”

Other A-10 driver chicken: “Does my airspeed indicator even read to 500 knots?”

F-16 driver chicken: “No really, proper diet and clean living are the keys to being a successful fighter pilot.”

OL
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outlaw162

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Unread post22 Aug 2010, 15:12

AWACS weapons controller chicken: “It’s always about them. If they can have that, why can’t we have ejection seats then?”

(Which reminds me of one of Carson’s old Carnac bits.
Envelope to the forehead, “AWACS”.
McMahon: “AWACS?, Oh Carnac the Magnificent?”
Carnac, sideways glance at Ed, then rips and puffs open the envelope, pulls out the question.
Carnac: “Yes, AWACS.”
Carnac reads: “What do you polish your “A” with?”)

Anyway…

UPT T-6 student chicken: “I got the fighter track. I’ve been to Ma Crosby’s. Life is good. Now I hope I can do well in fighters.”

UPT IP chicken: “Don’t worry kid, you’ll do fine. Those new jets literally fly themselves. Just make sure you eat a healthy, nutritious breakfast each day.”

Aviation aficionado: “If there’s such a thing as true airspeed, is there then such a thing as false airspeed?”

F-16 field grade driver chicken: “In the fast-paced world of supersonic jet fighters, the food pyramid is highly underrated.”

Rafale driver chicken: “There’s one turn, turn deux coming up. Wish I was back in the Mirage.”

USAF FWS instructor pilot chicken: “Gentlemen, in conclusion, the JHMCS will give you awesome weapons capability, and your blood pressure and pulse are displayed in the upper right hand corner.”

USAF human factors chicken: “We’ve decided to reduce the number of audio messages to the pilot since the aircraft will just simply take control prior to a warning being necessary.”

Future fighter aircraft female chicken voice audio warning system: “Warning!, Warning!……just kidding.”

OL
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