Understanding USAF Crew Chiefs [joke]

Unread postPosted: 12 May 2006, 14:16
by Meathook
Understanding Crew Chiefs - Take One

A Chaplin, Medic, and a Crew Chief were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The Crew Chief fumed, "What's with those F*&%in A$$h*!es? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!"

The Medic chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!"

The Chaplin said, "Here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him."

He said, "Hello, George! What's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"

The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."

The group fell silent for a moment.

The Chaplin said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."

The Medic said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact an ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them."

The Crew Chief said, "Why can't they play at night?"

Understanding Crew Chiefs - Take Two

To the optimist, the glass is half full.

To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.

To the Crew Chief, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

Understanding Crew Chiefs - Take Three

Two Crew Chiefs were walking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"

The second Crew Chief replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."

The second Crew Chief nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."

Understanding Crew Chiefs - Take Four

What is the difference between mechanical engineers, civil engineers and Crew Chiefs?

Mechanical engineers build weapons. Civil engineers build targets. Crew Chiefs take them apart and make them better.

Understanding Crew Chiefs - Take Five

The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?"

The graduate with an engineering degree asks, " How does it work?"

The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"

The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

The Crew Chief with a CCAF says, "Shut the f*&% up and get me a beer!"

Understanding Crew Chiefs - Take Six

Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.

Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.

Crew Chiefs would love to get their hands on the engineers.

Understanding Crew Chiefs - Take Seven

A Crew Chief was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him And said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week."

The Crew Chief took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.

The frog then cried out, you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do ANYTHING you want."

Again, the Crew Chief took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.

Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want.

Why won't you kiss me?"

The Crew Chief said, "Look, I'm a Crew Chief on my second marriage. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."

Re: Understanding USAF Crew Chiefs -

Unread postPosted: 12 May 2006, 15:21
by HazF16
Meathook wrote:The Crew Chief said, "Why can't they play at night?"



:lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: good one

RE: Re: Understanding USAF Crew Chiefs -

Unread postPosted: 12 May 2006, 15:28
by Meathook
Glad you liked it, fits us sometimes huh :-)

RE: Re: Understanding USAF Crew Chiefs -

Unread postPosted: 12 May 2006, 16:27
by F16and117DCC
:lol: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: These are great!!!! Thanks for the good laugh

Re: Understanding USAF Crew Chiefs -

Unread postPosted: 12 May 2006, 16:55
by MKopack
Meathook wrote:The Crew Chief said, "Look, I'm a Crew Chief on my second marriage. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."


Awww, come on, even if a Crew Chief had a talking frog he'd still dip it in liquid nitrogen and shatter it on the ramp...

Mike

RE: Re: Understanding USAF Crew Chiefs -

Unread postPosted: 12 May 2006, 17:11
by Meathook
That or a good sized Rice Bug, man they do shatter very well (I did that myself as ayoung Airman servicing LOX back in the P.I.).

The damn thing landed on my shoulder, scared the hell out of me, then fell into the Lox run off (drip pan), I picked it up, threw it down (had my gloves on of course) it broke like rock candy - very cool :-)

RE: Re: Understanding USAF Crew Chiefs -

Unread postPosted: 12 May 2006, 23:28
by ghettobird
yes yes yes, LOX games are fun...but dude those are ALL freakin hilarious..made my miserable day 100% better now. thank you very much

RE: Re: Understanding USAF Crew Chiefs -

Unread postPosted: 21 Sep 2006, 04:41
by Vypergrl
Awww, come on, even if a Crew Chief had a talking frog he'd still dip it in liquid nitrogen and shatter it on the ramp...

Mike


OMG....that is way too true to be laughing.....I like putting the crickets in the nitro....no jumping out!

Unread postPosted: 21 Sep 2006, 05:35
by afnsucks
YEH! Man its stuff like this that makes me love being a Crew Chief!

Unread postPosted: 26 Mar 2007, 19:38
by maddog2840
The Four Things a Wingman is Allowed to Say...

1. Two
2. Lead you're on fire.
3. I'm bingo fuel.
4. I'll take the fat one.

The Four Things an Assistant Crew Chief are Allowed to Say.

1. I already fixed that.
2. I'll stay late.
3. I'm going for more beer.
4. I'll take the fat one.

Unread postPosted: 26 Mar 2007, 19:43
by maddog2840
Stupid Question
Our maintenance flight at George AFB had a few F-4C crew chiefs that were civilian pilots. Sgt Lillie was in fact rated as an instructor. One day the aircrew came out to fly.
Pilot: "So chief, how's the jet fly?"
Sgt Lillie: "You get the groundspeed up and pull the stick back. Someone should've mentioned that to you by now, sir."

Unread postPosted: 26 Mar 2007, 20:00
by curtmtG
Hahha excellent jokes Meathook, I however have revised the last one for a young airman.

Understanding Crew Chiefs - Take Seven

A Crew Chief was crossing a runway one day, when a frog called out to him And
said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."
He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a
beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week."

The Airman took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and threw it in the running engine so his friends on myspace would think he is cool.

End of story.

Unread postPosted: 26 Mar 2007, 20:10
by Purplehaze
That is a new ending..........

Unread postPosted: 26 Mar 2007, 20:18
by Racer497
And my personal favorite...

An F-16 pilot died at the controls of his aircraft and went to pilots' hell, where he found a hideous devil and three doors.

The devil was busy escorting other pilots to various "hell rooms." He looked at the newly arrived pilot and said, "I'll be right back, don't go away," and he vanished.

Sneaking over to the first door, the pilot peeked in and saw a cockpit where the pilot was condemned to forever run through preflight checks. He slammed that door and peeked into the second. There, alarms rang and red lights flashed while a pilot had to avoid one emergency after another.

Unable to imagine a worse fate, he cautiously opened the third door. He was amazed to see a pilot getting ready for a flight while several crew chiefs diligently put the final touches on a perfectly maintained aircraft and other crew chiefs help him out of the ops truck and carry his helmet bag. The crew chiefs even brought him coffee and saluted sharply as they presented the forms for his approval. He quickly returned to his place seconds before the devil reappeared.

"Okay," said the devil, "which door will it be, number 1 or number 2?"

"Um,I want door number 3," answered the pilot.

"Sorry," said the devil. "You can't have door number 3, that's Crew Chief Hell."

Unread postPosted: 26 Mar 2007, 20:20
by Meathook
Going "Ugly early" is just not for A-10 Crew Dawgs, used to be for when a damn good buddy will "pull slack" for ya on a double date.

Unread postPosted: 26 Mar 2007, 23:26
by Tim
Makes me damn proud to say I was a crew chief :thumb:

Unread postPosted: 27 Mar 2007, 01:22
by MKopack
A pompous minister was seated next to a Crew Chief on a flight to Texas. After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken. The Crew Chief asked for a whiskey, which was brought and placed before him. The flight attendant then asked the minister if he would like a drink.

He replied in disgust, "I'd rather be savagely raped by brazen whores than let liquor touch my lips."

The Crew Chief then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "Me too. I didn't know we had a choice."

Unread postPosted: 27 Mar 2007, 08:17
by Tim
:lmao: You guys are killing me!!

Unread postPosted: 27 Mar 2007, 15:18
by Meathook
That is good.... :oops:

Unread postPosted: 21 Jun 2007, 14:52
by maddog2840
An old crew chief was sitting at a bar when a cute young thing slid into the seat next to him.

"When was the last time you were laid?, she asked.

"1945", the crew chief replied.

"Oh My God, that's terrible.", she said.

"Not really", the crew chief continued.

"It's only 2025 right now."

Unread postPosted: 26 Jun 2007, 13:54
by maddog2840
USAF Mechanic Saves Pilot's Life

Las Vegas, NV, May 25, 2007- Air Force SSgt Robert E. Smith has been nominated for an Air Force Acheivement Medal. Smith, an F-16 Crew Chief assigned to Nellis AFB, Nevada is credited for saving the life of pilot.

Captain Bob "Flash" McCormack, an Air Force Fighter Pilot with the 309th Fighter Squadron narrowly escaped serious injury recently when he attempted horseback riding with no prior experience. He mounted the horse, unassisted, and the horse immediately began moving. As it galloped along at a steady and rhythmic pace, the pilot began to slip sideways from the saddle. Although attempting to grab for the horse's mane he could not get a firm grip. He then threw his arms around the horse's neck but continued to slide down the side of the horse.

The horse galloped along, seemingly oblivious to its slipping rider. Finally, losing his grip, the Captain attempted to leap away from the horse and throw himself to safety. His foot became entangled in the stirrup, and he was at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as his head and upper body repeatedly struck the ground.

Moments away from unconsciousness and being trampled or beaten to death, to his great fortune SSgt Smith was shopping at Wal-Mart, saw him and quickly unplugged the horse.

Unread postPosted: 26 Jun 2007, 21:53
by Tim
LMAO :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :applause: :applause: :applause:

Unread postPosted: 08 Jul 2007, 23:17
by Tim
I think I wrote this one once before, but what the hey!

An A-10 crew chief is standing on the flightline admiring his work. An F-16 crew chief walks up and says "Hey, watcha doin?"
the A-10 crew chief says "Just admiring my jet" The F-16 crew chief points out to his bird (loaded out for the morning sortie) and says " Now thats what a real fighter aircraft should look like, look at all those munitions hanging on that beauty" He then directs his attention to the A-10 and notices the centerline station empty on the A-10. He asks the crewchief "what's that station used for?"
The A-10 crewchief says "Thats where we hang the F-16's"

Unread postPosted: 08 Jul 2007, 23:46
by viperloader
Whats really funny is that you could substitute loaders in just about every joke

Unread postPosted: 09 Jul 2007, 14:04
by ViperKeeper
viperloader wrote:Whats really funny is that you could substitute loaders in just about every joke


Not really. :?

Unread postPosted: 10 Jul 2007, 00:03
by maddog2840
PILOT: "How's the plane fly, chief?":D
CREW CHIEF: "You get the ground speed up, then pull the stick back. Someone should have mentioned this to you by now." :roll:

Unread postPosted: 10 Jul 2007, 08:18
by flames
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. :applause: :lmao: :notworthy: GREAT ONES!!!

Unread postPosted: 11 Jul 2007, 05:59
by viperloader
ViperKeeper wrote:
viperloader wrote:Whats really funny is that you could substitute loaders in just about every joke


Not really. :?

I'm sorry, not everybody can be a bomb loader. If this is the first time you've heard these jokes and think they were written about crew chiefs, you're sadly mistaken.

Unread postPosted: 11 Jul 2007, 15:16
by maddog2840
viperloader wrote:
ViperKeeper wrote:
viperloader wrote:Whats really funny is that you could substitute loaders in just about every joke


Not really. :?

I'm sorry, not everybody can be a bomb loader. If this is the first time you've heard these jokes and think they were written about crew chiefs, you're sadly mistaken.


BUSTED! Our secret is out in the open. Us Crew Chiefs can't read or write. :doh: :shrug: :notworthy:

Unread postPosted: 13 Jul 2007, 00:18
by viperloader
Huh. I guess it is Air Force wide. Cee, lodaers and krew cheefs are simmalar

Unread postPosted: 08 Aug 2007, 13:30
by maddog2840
Jkjs0okj beer kj au09 ajj ujoo!! :thumb:

Unread postPosted: 12 Dec 2012, 03:00
by vcq09
This question is for the crew chiefs on here (no, it's not a joke). I know that pilots routinely buy crew chiefs beer for any "mishaps" involving serious cleaning and/or maintenance. What about things like deliberately using up all the chaff / flares just because you can...does that merit the purchase beer of too? (Heck, is there a published list of pilot transgressions floating around ??)