Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high
school diploma to fix one. Reassurance for those of us who fly routinely
in our jobs and those of you who fly occasionally.
After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a
"gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.
The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form,
and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.
Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of
humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas'
pilots marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by
maintenance engineers.
By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never,
ever, had an accident.
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. S: Almost replaced
left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough. S: Auto-land not
installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit. S: Something tightened in cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield. S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute
descent. S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud. S: DME volume set to more believable
level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. S: That's what
friction locks are for.
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode. S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield. S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing. S: Engine found on right wing after brief
search.
P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!) S: Aircraft warned to
straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
P: Target radar hums. S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit. S: Cat installed.
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget
pounding on something with a hammer. S: Took hammer away from midget.
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sath
Posted: Dec 08, 2006 - 03:32 AM
Newbie
Joined: Dec 08, 2006
Posts: 3
Status: Offline
A few of those made me laugh insanely. Luckily nobody is around to hear.
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