Forum: Air Force Life

An F-16 pilot died at the controls of his aircraft and went to pilots'
hell, where he found a hideous devil and three doors.

The devil was busy escorting other pilots to various "hell rooms." He looked at the newly arrived pilot and said, "I'll be right back, don't go away," and he vanished.

Sneaking over to the first door, the pilot peeked in and saw a cockpit where the pilot was condemned to forever run through preflight checks. He slammed that door and peeked into the second. There, alarms rang and red lights flashed while a pilot had to avoid one emergency after another.

Unable to imagine a worse fate, he cautiously opened the third door. He was amazed to see a pilot getting ready for a flight while several crew chiefs diligently put the final touches on a perfectly maintained aircraft and other crew chiefs help him out of the ops truck and carry his helmet bag. The crew chiefs even brought him coffee and saluted sharply as they presented the forms for his approval. He quickly returned to his place seconds before the devil reappeared.

"Okay," said the devil, "which door will it be, number 1 or number 2?"

"Um,I want door number 3," answered the pilot.

"Sorry," said the devil. "You can't have door number 3, that's Crew Chief Hell."

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NOW THAT IS FUNNY!!!

Cylon

That is the funniest one I have heard in a while... keep 'em coming.

Did you hear why the big zipper was installed on the front of the flight suits? Because velcro kept scaring the sheep.

Can I say this... LOL ... too late

Q: What's the difference between a porcupine and an F-16?
A: With the porcupine, the prick's on the outside.

CJ

Ouch!!!

Q: What do Russian Airshow planes and Old Tennis Shoes have in common?
A: Grass Stains

I read a joke similar to this on a website a long time ago:

Two F-16s are flying escort for a C-130. To help pass the time, the pilots start talking and discussing about how their respective aircraft are better than the other's.

The F-16 pilots argue that their aircraft are better due to their speed and agility. "Oh yeah," says the Herk pilot, "well I can do things in this old bird that you could only dream of. Just watch."

For a long while the 3 aircraft fly straight and level, and nothing happens. "There!" says the C-130 pilot. "What did you do?" asks one of the viper drivers. "Well, I got up, stretched, got a cup of coffee, then went back and took a leak."

Variations on a theme....this is the version I heard first.

Two F-15s are flying escort for a B-52. To help pass the time, the pilots start talking and discussing about how their respective aircraft are better than the other's. The F-15 pilots argue that their aircraft are better due to their speed and agility. "Oh yeah," says the BUFF pilot, "well I can do things in this old bird that you could only dream of, one of which is to dump seventy TONS of bombs in one mission. As for other advantages, just watch." For a long while the 3 aircraft fly straight and level, and nothing happens. "There!" says the B-52 pilot. "What did you do?" asks one of the Eagle drivers. "I just shut down two engines.."

CJ

I want to put this on a plaque on my wall...

From www.usaircombat.com/Chief.htm:

Quote:

The Crew Chief

A pompous minister was seated next to a Crew Chief on a Flight to Texas. After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken. The Crew Chief asked for a whiskey, which was brought and placed before him. The flight attendant then asked the minister if he would like a drink.

He replied in disgust, "I'd rather be savagely raped by brazen whores than let liquor touch my lips."

The Crew Chief then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "Me too. I didn't know we had a choice."

Mike - Crew Chief

Great one!

This one is from miljokes.com:

An airforce officer goes to heaven and at the gate St Peter asks him if he has ever done anything in his life that he believes makes him worthy of admittance to heaven.

The officer flyboy replies; yes, I once went into a bar with four of my pilot friends and saw two seabees harrassing a young girl at the bar, so being a gentleman I went up to the biggest one and told him to leave this young lady alone.

When he refused I told him again more forcefully.

This time I slapped him across the face and told this seabee to stand down.
St Peter said this was a very good thing to do and asked when the pilot did this great act.

The pilot replied; about 5 minutes ago! My friends should be here shortly!

Attila...brilliant!! hahaha and the porcupine one lol couldn't have said it better myself lol LMAO

crack me up!!!

What's the difference between an F-16 pilot and God?

God doesn't think he's a Viper driver.

Uncle Bob Gets Shot Down

The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories.

"Johnny, do you have a story to share?"

"Yes, ma'am, my daddy told a story about my Uncle Bob. Uncle Bob was a pilot in Desert Storm and his plane was hit. He had to bail out over enemy territory and all he had was a small flask of whiskey, a pistol and a survival knife. He drank the whiskey on the way down so it would not break and then his parachute landed right in the middle of twenty enemy troops.

He shot fifteen of them with the gun until he ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, 'till the blade broke and then he killed the last Iraqi with his bare hands."

"Good heavens," said the horrified teacher, "What kind of moral did your daddy tell you from that horrible story?

"Stay the hell away from Uncle Bob when he's been drinking!

lol, that's brilliant!! LMAO

Q: How do you get 20 Generals in the cockpit of an F-16?
A: Use a flamethrower and they'll all fit in the ashtray.

Q: How do you get 20 Crew Chiefs in the cockpit of an F-16?
A: Tell them there's a pretty girl holding a beer hiding behind the rudder pedals.

Q: How do you get a 2nd LT in the cockpit of an F-16?
A: 2 million dollars in training, written instructions, a crew bus, map, and a Crew Chief.

Q: How do you get a Crew Chief into the cockpit of an F-16?
A: You don't have to. They're born there - right under the seat.

Forum: Air Force Life

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