Aviation Humor

Military Aviation Humor



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A fifth-grade teacher told her students "I'd like for one of you to tell the class a story with a moral", so little Suzy raised her hand. "OK Suzy" said the teacher, "please tell the class your...
"So, a blonde fighter pilot was flying in a two ship one day. She was flying her heading just fine, when all of a sudden her wingman called, "We have Migs coming in at 6 o'clock!" She quickly took...
A minister dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans. Saint Peter addresses this guy, "Who are...
How did the west find out about STOL performance of the Soviet aircraft? This comes from a top secret recording describing what happened at a soviet cockpit during approach to JFK at IFR...
Problem : "Smoke in cabin." Solution : "Aircrew reminded fleet is no-smoking these days." Problem : "Bad smell in cockpit (B-747)." Solution : "Advice crew to wash every day."...
Pardon me, ma'am, I seem to have lost my jet keys. I have no interest in flying for the airlines. I fixed it right the first time, it must have failed for other reasons. All that turbulence...
Working as an air traffic controller for sixteen years, I have had my share of unique situations develop and this is one of my more memorable and fortunately it turned out good. I was working a...
To LtCol Ventura, Sir, I am DJ Baker and I would appreciate it if you could tell me what it takes to be an F-16 fighter pilot of the USAF. What classes should I take in high school to help the...
Now this message for America's most famous athletes: Someday you may be invited to fly in the backseat of one of your country's most powerful fighter jets. Many of you already have-John Elway, John...
When Hillary Clinton visited Iraq last month the Army Blackhawk helicopter used to transport the Senator was given the call sign "broomstick one". And they say the Army has no sense of...
The pilot was sitting in his seat and pulled out a .38 revolver. He placed it on top of the instrument panel, and then asked the navigator, "Do you know what I use this for?" The navigator...
During WWII on a B-24 bombing mission, flying out of Cerignola, Italy toward our target for the day in Austria, during which radio silence was never violated, even though the Germans knew we were...
On some air bases the Air Force is on one side of the field and civilian aircraft use the other side of the field, with the control tower in the middle. One day the tower received a call from an...
About Pilots: 1. As an aviator in flight you can do anything you want... As long as it's right... And we'll let you know if it's right after you get down. 2. You can't fly forever without...
A MSgt, a TSgt and a Chief are off the flight line together for lunch. While crossing a park they come upon an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out in a puff of smoke. The Genie...
Q: How do you get 20 Generals in the cockpit of an F-16? A: Use a flamethrower and they'll all fit in the ashtray. Q: How do you get 20 Crew Chiefs in the cockpit of an F-16? A:...
Q: What does it mean when the pilot of an F-16 is drooling out of both sides of his mouth? A : The plane's level.
These two navigators are walking down a hallway in their squadron. One spies a vending machine that sells pilot wings. "Dude, we can be pilots for only 75 cents a piece! Right on!" The navs...
The Four things a Wingman is authorized to say are: 1. "Two". 2. "Two is BINGO fuel." 3. "Lead is on fire." 4. "I'll take the fat one". The Four things an Assistant Crew Chief is...
The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their...
An airforce officer goes to heaven and at the gate Saint Peter asks him if he has ever done anything in his life that he believes makes him worthy of admittance to heaven. The officer flyboy...
A pompous minister was seated next to a Crew Chief on a Flight to Texas. After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken. The Crew Chief asked for a whiskey, which was brought and placed...
Q: What's the difference between a porcupine and an F-16? A: With the porcupine, the prick's on the outside.
An F-16 pilot died at the controls of his aircraft and went to pilots' hell, where he found a hideous devil and three doors. The devil was busy escorting other pilots to various "hell rooms."...
1) Having only one qualified controller on a particular day a certain Scottish airport decided to 'stack' several B747s while he went to lunch for two hours - well ATC had someones welfare in mind....
Here is a joke that I read in a cartoon in magazine a while back. I can only paraphrase and the animation is helpful too, but: Lt. Green was out on his first solo flight in a T-38 and was...
There's a story about a C-124 and an F-4 on intersecting taxiways at Rhein-Main long ago. The F-4 driver asked Ground what the Globe-master's intentions were. It is said that the C-124 pilot...
I heard this from my brother, who is a Search and Rescue pilot at Canadian Forces Base Bagotville, Quebec. It's an apocryphal story that allegedly happened late one night during bad weather, as...
A couple of TAC pilots were flying F-4s in escort with a B-52 bomber and were chinning with the pilot of the bomber to pass the time. Talk fell to the subject of the relative merits of their...
I asked an ex-military friend who used to work in the Key West area, about the weakness of our Southern air-defense, and here is what he told me: When the military got dragged into the...
Apparently the loadmaster on a USAF C-130 was invited to take the engineer's seat for a while. He started jabbering away, not realizing that he was trans-mitting on Uniform instead of over the...
A friend of mine in my unit in Germany used to tell this story on himself and I thought it was hilarious. Seems he was flying an Army UH-1H, Huey, one day somewhere up around Chicago. As has...
This story was told to me by a friend who "swore" he heard it on an IFR flight in Germany. It seems a "good ol' boy" American (Texas-sounding) AF C-130 reserve pilot was in the (that day very...
A visiting four ship formation of American F-15's were visiting RAF Benson... ATC to Lead F-15: *Callsign* Turn deadside. Lead F-15: Uh... what's deadside? Anonymous RAF Pilot: Break Left...
A Mexican newspaper reports that bored Royal Air Force pilots stationed on the Falkland Islands have devised what they consider a marvelous new game. Noting that the local penguins are fascinated...
A practice flight for the Mattias Rust Memorial Invasion Squadron: 650,000 Cessna 172's carrying one 850lb bomb each, which will equal the bomb load of the entire fleet of B2s, for less than the...
Pierre, a French fighter pilot, takes his girlfriend, Marie, out for a pleasant little picnic by the river Seine. It is a beautiful day and love is in the air, so Marie leans over to Pierre and...
True Story: At the Oceana, Va, Naval Air Station, I was training a young ground-crew member on how to direct an F-14 into the fuel pit. I glanced over to check wing clearance and, when looked...
On August 15, an F-16C of the 182FS, Texas ANG, based out of Kelly AFB encountered engine difficulties during a flight. The pilot jettisoned his wing drop tanks. One of the tanks crashed through...
A Boeing 747 pulls up behind a C-5 Galaxy. The 747 calls the C-5 and asks "what are you guys grossing today." In a somewhat cocky tone the C-5 crew says "50 to a 100 thousand pound more than you....
One day, a general of the Army, an Admiral, and an Air Force General are having an argument about whose branch of the military is braver. So the Admiral yells to a passing Sailor, "Sailor, catch...
Actual radio conversation released by the Chief of Naval Operations 10-10-95 no. 1: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision. no. 2: Recommend you divert YOUR...
What do you have when you've got ten F-14s in the air at the same time? One hell of a maintainance team!
Single seat, Single engine, Single useā€¦
A young guy in an F-14 fighter was flying escort for a B-52 and generally being a nuisance, acting like a hotdog, flying rolls around the lumbering old bomber. The hotdog said over the air,...
An Army grunt stands in the rain with a 35 lb. pack on his back, 15 lb. weapon in hand, after marching 12 miles, and says "God, this is SHIT." An Army Airborne grunt stands in the rain with a 45...
A reader wrote us, retelling the story about the military pilot calling ATC for a priority landing because his single-engine jet fighter was running "a bit peaked." ATC told the fighter jock that...
An Israeli air force Helicopter was sent to rescue a wounded sailor off an Israeli Navy ship in the Mediterranean. The mission took longer than expected and the Helicopter was running dangerously...
There are three types of pilots ones that have made gear up passes: ones that will, and finally ones that will again. You are wrong with the 3 things a wing should say, it's: "2", "bingo",...
A reporter was interviewing an old Scandinavian fighter pilot, asking him how it was in the war. "Vell," said the old guy, "vee used to fly up dere and dogfight dem Krauts. Ya, vee used to shoot...