In an effort to ensure proper training and readiness among the military services, Congress has approved the following changes to basic principles of recruit training:
- Marines-heads will be shaved.
- Army-flat-tops for all recruits.
- Navy-no haircut standard.
- Air Force-complete makeovers as seen on the Jenny Jones show.
- Marines-rise at 0500, train until 2000.
- Army-rise at 0600, train until 1900.
- Navy-rise at 0900, train until 1100, lunch til 1300, train till 1600.
- Air Force-rise at 1000, breakfast in bed, lunch at 1200, nap at 1400, training ceases at 1500.
- Marines-Meals-Ready-to-Eat 3 times a day.
- Army-one hot meal, 2 MRE's.
- Navy-3 hot meals.
- Air Force-catered meals prepared by the Galloping Gourmet, Julia Childs, and Wolfgang Puck. All you can eat.
Leave And Liberty:
- Army-4 hours a week.
- Navy-2 days a week.
- Air Force-for every four hours of training, recruits will receive eight hours of leave and liberty.
- Marines-will address all officers as "Sir" and refer to the rank of all enlisted members when speaking to them (i.e. Sgt Smith).
- Army-will address all officers as "Sir", unless they are friends, and will call all enlisted personnel Sarge.
- Navy-will address all officers as Skipper, and all enlisted personnel as Chief.
- Air Force-all Air Force personnel shall be on a first name basis with all other personnel.
- Marines-medals and badges are awarded for acts of gallantry and bravery.
- Army-medals and badges are awarded for every bullet fired, hand grenade thrown, fitness test passed, and bed made.
- Navy-will have ships engineers make medals for them as needed.
- Air Force-will be issued all medals as they will most likely be awarded them at some point early in their careers.
- Marines-work uniform, to be worn only during training and in field situations.
- Army-will wear it anytime, anywhere.
- Navy-will not wear cammies, they do not camouflage you on a ship. Captains will make every effort to TRY to explain this to our sailors.
- Air Force-will defeat the purpose of camouflage by putting blue and grey service chevrons and name tapes on them.
- Marines-all Marines shall be considered riflemen first and foremost.
- Army-doesn't matter, all career fields promote to E-8 in first enlistment.
- Navy-nobody knows. Navy still trying figure out what all the SMC, BNC, BSN, and all the other ratings things are.
- Air Force-every recruit will be trained in a manner that will allow them to leave the service early to go on to higher paying civilian jobs.