Life in the Military Humor

In an effort to ensure proper training and readiness among the military services, Congress has approved the following changes to basic principles of recruit training:

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  Haircuts:
  • Marines-heads will be shaved.
  • Army-flat-tops for all recruits.
  • Navy-no haircut standard.
  • Air Force-complete makeovers as seen on the Jenny Jones show.
  
  
  Training Hours:
  • Marines-rise at 0500, train until 2000.
  • Army-rise at 0600, train until 1900.
  • Navy-rise at 0900, train until 1100, lunch til 1300, train till 1600.
  • Air Force-rise at 1000, breakfast in bed, lunch at 1200, nap at 1400, training ceases at 1500.
  
  
  Meals:
  • Marines-Meals-Ready-to-Eat 3 times a day.
  • Army-one hot meal, 2 MRE's.
  • Navy-3 hot meals.
  • Air Force-catered meals prepared by the Galloping Gourmet, Julia Childs, and Wolfgang Puck. All you can eat.
  
  
  Leave And Liberty:
  • Marines-none.
  • Army-4 hours a week.
  • Navy-2 days a week.
  • Air Force-for every four hours of training, recruits will receive eight hours of leave and liberty.
  
  
  Protocol:
  • Marines-will address all officers as "Sir" and refer to the rank of all enlisted members when speaking to them (i.e. Sgt Smith).
  • Army-will address all officers as "Sir", unless they are friends, and will call all enlisted personnel Sarge.
  • Navy-will address all officers as Skipper, and all enlisted personnel as Chief.
  • Air Force-all Air Force personnel shall be on a first name basis with all other personnel.
  
  
  Decorations/Awards:
  • Marines-medals and badges are awarded for acts of gallantry and bravery.
  • Army-medals and badges are awarded for every bullet fired, hand grenade thrown, fitness test passed, and bed made.
  • Navy-will have ships engineers make medals for them as needed.
    
  • Air Force-will be issued all medals as they will most likely be awarded them at some point early in their careers.
  
  
  Camouflage Uniforms:
  • Marines-work uniform, to be worn only during training and in field situations.
  • Army-will wear it anytime, anywhere.
  • Navy-will not wear cammies, they do not camouflage you on a ship. Captains will make every effort to TRY to explain this to our sailors.
  • Air Force-will defeat the purpose of camouflage by putting blue and grey service chevrons and name tapes on them.
  
  
  Career Fields:
  • Marines-all Marines shall be considered riflemen first and foremost.
  • Army-doesn't matter, all career fields promote to E-8 in first enlistment.
  • Navy-nobody knows. Navy still trying figure out what all the SMC, BNC, BSN, and all the other ratings things are.
  • Air Force-every recruit will be trained in a manner that will allow them to leave the service early to go on to higher paying civilian jobs.